Missing in Action

Have been missing in action because I have been feeling more tired and probably busier with all the shifting around. Since Dec, we started to bring one of the boys home every night, just to get the hang of it and so we can be more prepared when I start working next year! I am not sure mentally I am ready because I foresee myself worrying things at home. Will my folks be able to manage the boys? From my observation, seems like my mama has to be the one doing the more solid tasks like bathing, cleaning up after poo, putting baby to sleep in sarong, preparing food for the kids and family... really a lot to do. Wonder will my papa be able to step up and do more?

Anyway, last weekend was really a spoilt one, with me and Evans down with fever. Very frustrated with my papa on some level. I thought we caught it from him after he cut short his BKK holiday cos of his worsening flu. And he refused to wear face mask. Ended up I caught the flu then Evans followed up with a fever, then the fever found me. It got as high as 39.1 and I couldn't even eat the fever medicine. Could only towel myself and drink lots of water but I was too drowsy to go fetch myself water. Only relied on the cups which hubby brought to me. Earlier had planned to revisit Saltwater Cafe on Sat and we had to cancel it. Thankfully my mom came and helped us fill in since I was down. Spent most Saturday on the bed. She came at 4 plus and stayed till the end of the day. These few days she has done a lot.... doing things which I used to be doing like feeding and bathing baby. Hubby also stepped up and finally regained the rapport with baby and he could feed him again!!!! Plus point of being sick when help is available. I am also concerned for my mama's health. Didn't want her to overwork but I must recover fast!! If only my nose could stop running and I could have better sleep!

Now I wouldn't say Evans is fully well but at least he is not that drowsy and grouchy kid. Eden got a little coughing going on and it comes with the phlegm! I am quite scared so pumping my best so that he has enough liquid gold with the antibodies to fight against the bugs!

Patience

Taking care of kids is an excellent training to becoming a more patient person. Tough training cos I have lost it umpteen times. At the beginning, I just lost it and hurled scoldings at them, even at a few months old. The sleep deprivation wasn't helping and that made me very reactive to the situation that took place, without thinking. I was also very easily upset by sarcasm and many times I felt like just letting it out to "teach them a lesson". I am glad I didn't because given the state of my well being, my emotions would lead me to say very ugly things and the recipients wouldn't be apologetic for sure. There was really no point. Tolerance.

After a while it could be getting used to it or being more self aware, I started to have some thinking in my head while I still let out my anger at the kids. That's a good start.... self awareness.

As Eden gets more aware and more capable in communicating his emotions, I start to interact with him more. It helps very much in the bonding so that we can grow to like each other more. And when we like each other more, I am hoping he will fuss less. And when he fusses during sleep time or feeding, patience comes into play. I used to scold him a lot and it made me even more agitated and that in turn worsened the situation. My irritation came not only cos of Eden not drinking his milk properly but also how come no one is helping. Ya many times I felt victimised. I didn't wanna feel this way but I did. I realised this was not healthy as I became very unhappy with myself and the people whom I had expectations. So sometimes I just try to do things within my limits and no longer expect help so that when help comes, I can be more thankful. I felt very disturbed after watching a video of a mom hitting her infant a lot of times as he refused to stop crying. Her slaps were hard and I  thought could be hurtful to the baby. She slapped the baby's face hard. Heart wrenching!!!! I wish I had not seen it. But the video reminded me of my bad behaviour too... ok I didn't slap like this but many times (at the early stage) I felt like leaving him to cry. I probably slapped his cheek once too.... sigh... *guilty*

I feel guilty being harsh to Evans too as he is only a 5 year old kid. At this age he is probably starting to be more cheeky and imitating how the adults talk. So sometimes he comes across as rude, which I know isn't intentional as he doesn't know it's rude. Everything needs a balance. As parent we need to know when to let go and when to educate. I am testing it out. For sure me and hubby couldn't agree on the way to educate the kids but at least now I try to keep quiet when he is trying to discipline Evans. Contradiction confuses the kid.

I am still learning how to be a proper parent in the midst of other negativities. Self belief... that I can do a proper job.

Turning 5 months

Eden turned 5 months last Saturday 5 Nov, coincided with my company's family day. A little disappointed that I could not bring Eden along because he was still coughing very badly and his nasal congestion was making him fussy at times. It was a strong bug that bothered him for more than 2 weeks. Even now he still coughs on and off with some phlegm lingering inside. Now I kinda caught the bug with a runny nose.

At 5 months, Eden was much more playful and expressive. He "tells" people where to go by kicking towards a certain direction when we carry him. It looks like he is swimming towards the place. Very funny. He really likes to go into my parents ' room where Evans sleeps every night. He also expresses great interest when we approach the main door. Every child loves to go out and play!

Another new thing is he tends to mimic us eating by moving his mouth and tongue. He is definitely observing more and learning how to eat. Sigh he sure learnt to eat some medicines for past weeks. Even now he is still on Zyrtec for nasal decongestant. I broke the record of bringing him to the PD like 3 times within a month because of his cough. But in my last visit, dr wasn't keen to give any more new medication because he was too young. I understood and at least got a peace of mind, knowing that now we just let the body recover on its own.

Hopefully he can be clear of the flu bug before we head off to HK sothat my parents can have an easier time taking care of him while I am not around. Of course I also hope hubby can also recover soon. And me, just hang in there. Curb the runny nose and cough.... let me enjoy my well deserved holiday.... pleeeaaasseee!!!!!!

Anyway sharing some shots of Eden and of my Family Day.

Coughing and Sleepless Nights

At 4am Eden started coughing. It almost seemed like he couldn't stop the coughing. Think his little body was trying to purge the phlegm or mucus or whatever but he just couldn't. I felt really helpless as all I could do was to pat his back and apply vapour rub. I carried him so as to make him feel better. When he was lying down, he seemed to be choking on his thick phlegm.

I patted him a lot, carried him back and forth the kitchen in case he puked. I was hoping he would tire out soon so that I could start pumping milk. Felt a little full and bloated.

Ultimately mama came to the rescue. She offered to look after Eden while I pumped. She tried to pat him to sleep but Eden was still feeling congested with the mucus so she carried and rocked him. Finally he did fall back to sleep. It was 5plus am already.

Eden woken up at 9plus am for his 1st milk. Could see he was exhausted. Usually he would drink at 7plus am.

Since the coughing started a week ago, we did not have satisfactory sleeps. I am yearning for a better sleep for baby, and of course me. If he is well, I will be well.

Continue wishing for speedy recovery Eden! Xxxooooxoxoxoooxxx

Terrible Cough

Last night was a terrible episode. After the last feed, I put Eden in the sarong to sleep . He was already asleep but a nasty cough woke him and caused him to puke all the milk. It was projectile vomiting and I was so worried. He was coughing non-stop. He was stained with his vomit and the sarong and beansprout pillow were not spared too. I had to shout for help literally because all were in the rooms, sleeping. Luckily my mom heard my plea and she quickly helped to clear up the mess. Frankly I was a bit helpless, didn't know where to start rescuing the situation.

Eden was probably ignorant of what had happened as he quietly sat on my lap. He could still smile when my mama talked to him. In my head I couldn't stop worrying.

I tried patting him to sleep on the bed. Not easy and I was losing my patience. Surrendered coaxing him and left him on the bed to watch him soothe himself. I know he is unwell. I should be understanding. I guess I am just tired.

As I have expected, the night wasn't easy as Eden kept tossing and making noises. He was probably feeling choked with the phlegm and all, so kept trying to find a comfy position to sleep. So I helped to switch him from facing left and right side. It helped for awhile but the process just continued. Really feel bad seeing a 4 month old like that. So scared to hear him cough...

This morning after first feed, he coughed out a huge lump of what seemed to be phlegm. And I truly hope it was. At least get some of the nastiness out.

Now he is still sleeping in the new sarong... later will need to start his antibiotics.

A Cut Short Lunch with Colleagues

Was very much looking forward to today's lunch with Bo and the rest. KS, Yeo, Irene, miss Ang and Bo were there. We gathered at 4 Fingers, Orchard Gateway.

It was back to the old times when we had long chats at lunch and talk sense and nonsense... lol. It felt really good. But short lived. As we adjourned to Yakun for part 2, mama's phone call gave me a shock and I sprinted back home.... not even an hour lunch together. She said Eden was crying non stop. Initially I misheard he was puking non stop. In either case I was still very worried so got to leave the gang without further ado. I felt worried yet sad to have ended my time out like that.

Thankfully Eden was a lil more settled when I reached home. Thankfully I could get into a cab without waiting.

Eden could be cranky as he was coughing badly or he could be looking for other people for companionship at home. Or even both. Poor baby was all whiney and tired and probably hungry. He was falling asleep during the milkfeed.

On the other hand I think bro and Evans are now having fun, the last I checked with bro, they were at Art Science Museum!!! Happening right!? I have never been there myself!

Eden is now asleep but I can't stop thinking when I can be out with friends  (free from worries) again. Actually I do have a dinner coming up this Fri. Certainly hope things will be better.

Breast Milk

People call mummy's milk as liquid gold because there are hundreds of natural nutrients in the breastmilk  (bm) which is not present in the formula milk (fm). During my mom's times, giving bm wasn't popular and we were on fm. But now, everyone is advocating breastfeeding. For Evans and Eden, I managed to latch for a few days before kicking in the pumping schedule. Very tough to start and build supply. Once the routine and supply are set, things seem easier even though for Eden, I had problem pumping on time because of lack of help.

I was more diligent during Evans's times because all of us just had to focus on one baby. I recalled I was an over supplier. For Eden, I had experienced short supply before and we had to rely on fm to tide over. Now 4 months plus post partum and Eden drinking 150ml for each feed  (5 to 6 times per day), I am just an "enougher". There were good times last 2 months when I could store some frozen bm in the freezer for future use when I am back to work. But now I just wanna focus on feeding the fresh ones, particularly because Eden seems to be coughing and he often sounds nasal. I could hear phlegm. I know a few friends told me due to narrow airways babies have, they usually sound nasal. But still I think it is affecting our sleep. At around 3 to 4 am, Eden would start to fidget and turn, I think he is trying to find a comfortable position to breathe better while sleeping.

Recently his coughing seems more frequent, so I feel that all the more I should give more bm for the antibodies. When he was coughing, I was still thinking "eh... I thought breastfed babies shouldn't fall ill so easily...." Recalled Evans was quite illness-free during the bm times. But now probably with a sibling, Eden is exposed to greater risk of being hit with some flu bugs. So I really hope my bm is a good medicine for him.

While bm is liquid gold, it doesn't mean breastfed babies don't fall sick. If they do, it will be less severe in terms of intensity and duration. So I can only keep giving my liquid gold and will keep pumping for the supply.

4 hourly, 20min per session, 1 middle of the night pump, 5 pumps per day.

Throwback to "Bringing The Boys to the Airport"

Brought my boys to the airport to fetch bro last Friday 21 Oct. He was back from Vietnam. It was my 1st time bringing them out. A little nervous about it because it was Eden's 1st time in the carrier and he was already a little sleepy when we went out.

Though it was not all smooth, I enjoyed the afternoon out with them. We were an hour earlier than his arrival and I was hungry, so we went for Mac. Evans was cooperative and it was easy especially after Eden fell asleep in the carrier, even though it was only for a few minutes.

What made the outing not so smooth were Eden's on and off crying  (probably discomfort from the carrier or lack of sleep) and Evans's repeatedly whining about jiu jiu taking so long and then being very hungry (at 6pm). I couldn't bring him for food because it would spoil his appetite for dinner. So... luckily finally bro arrived and we got home.

Will try to do this some other time when Eden is more adapted to the carrier.

Same Room, Different Babies

As I slowly and quietly turned the door handle down to go out of the room (to get my pump parts), I suddenly recalled doing the same when Evans was sleeping with me in the same room. Realised how things are different now and how time passes. My baby (Evans) is now a big boy and his words are very different, but still cute most times.

Now Eden is sleeping in the cot in the same room but very soon, the cot will be too small for him. Very soon, he will need a bigger space to toss and roll. Seeing other newborns or younger babies also made me realise Eden is no longer a newborn. One part of me really wishes him to grow up faster so that I have fewer things to pack and do... but another part of me reminisces his birth and how he was as a new baby.

I'm wide awake after my pumping session while Eden is stretching and tossing in his little cot. I better try to catch some sleep before the whole cycle starts.

When Mommy Scolds

Today something adorable happened. Not something I am proud of but I made Eden cry and his cries was very different from his usual whining.

I gently tapped his cheek and "scolded" him for not being a good boy during feeding. He would leave the 2nd round challenging... by spitting out the milk or refusing to open his mouth or fidgeting to avoid the bottle. After I scolded him, something cute happened. Eden started to show a sad face with his :(. My first time seeing such expression from him. Then shortly, he started to cry pathetically. He sounded like he was wronged or he wanted some sayang. It was really funny. My mama was amused by his unique cries too!!!!

So, a 4 month old does understand when he is scolded. And his cries is for real! His eyes were teary and red. At some point he gasped for air. Ohhhhh so poor thing. Made me feel bad but I really find it very adorable. Lol.

4 Month's Mark

Eden is 4 months old and he has surely become more aware of the surroundings. Feeding him is still not all smooth as he will leave the last 30 to 60ml as the ultimate challenge. Even after cutting a slit at the teat didn't help to reduce the fuss. I wish this phase can pass soon.

He is also starting to make half turns so that means we need to be more careful when placing him on the bed. His neck is getting stronger so probably he will be able to turn/flip next month.

Lately he also drools a lot and loves suckling his fingers.... you can imagine the mess of saliva on his face, hands and on my shoulder too.

Feeding, entertaining, bathing, putting him for naps are pretty much the routine tasks which make my day pass really quickly.

Less than 3 months to go before I head back to my working / social life! Am I yearning for it or will I miss baby and Evans? Let's see...

But ultimately I hope that my parents would be able to manage the 2 cuties comfortably.

Tiring Weekend

Lately it's getting difficult to feed Eden. And the worse thing is he refuses to be fed by hubby for don't know what reason.  For me, I can start off to feed him at least half way through before he starts to fuss and refuse to continue. On good days, he stops leaving 30ml but there are bad times when I have to coax him to finish the remaining 60ml or so. We start to reduce the feed from 150ml to 130ml or so cos there's just too much waste.

My mama even cut a little slit at the bottle teat to make the flow faster but it did not seem to help with him finishing up the milk but he surely drank faster now... just that still stopping at the 30ml mark. Painful experience for me... giving me phobia to feed him but now only I can do the job (on weekends). I am tired.

It didn't help when not only during feedings, Eden fussed a lot like he wanted to be carried and entertained. Think hubby was tired so he didn't quite spend much effort to entertain him. Evans would usually play his own toys unless I called for help, he would bring me Eden's toy to distract him.

But somehow last Saturday was super draining for me even though we didn't go out. There was one point when Eden kept crying, I just carried and looked at him helplessly as I was running out of energy and patience.

Nonetheless it was slightly better when Sunday came. And we got to go Bedok Mall for lunch and coffee. Eden cried on and off but at least I didn't feel quite alone. But the fussing episode replayed when we were at in law's place. Eden seemed tired but just couldn't sleep because I think he is less oblivious to the surroundings. He is more aware of the noise and all so he just couldn't sleep. I am not sure but he was fast to doze off in the car. *sigh*

It was a tiring Weekend but here's sharing some happy moments at Bedok Mall Swissbake.

Sunday Lunch, East Point Mall

Lunch at East Point was a simpler affair. But one thing I wish was the nursing room can be better designed. The wall table was a little far from the sofa. The sofa was a bit chunky to be moved. And I was carrying a baby. So I got to stretch when I had to put away the bottle. Somehow it has the toilet smell too. While it looked ok,  I didn't find it pleasant to be in there. No photo here because I was carrying Eden, hoping to finish his feed in a less noisy place. (Lately it has been quite a challenge for Eden to finish the bottle of 150ml).

But we made it a little more fun at the Four Leaves Cafe. We tried to copy Eden's expression but he changed too fast and we couldn't keep up. Lol.

Saturday at Parkway Parade

Though it was rather rush to get prepared for outings, especially on a Saturday when we got to pack back home from my parents' place, we still wanted to head out for dinner. Just for the fun of it and it's more interesting to be out. Baby Eden needs to be exposed more to the outside world too.

So as Evans suggested, we chose Parkway Parade as our next challenge location. Ya, just another shopping mall. So we are thinking probably should not call outings to malls a challenge, unless the experience is a totally different one like hubby said, taking the public transport. That would really be a challenge!

At Parkway we had dinner at Social Square where they serve a fusion of jap and western food. We were there before and experience was ok but this time, it was a little disappointing, from the ipad ordering, delay in the food served to cashier. Plus i think the ramen I had was nothing to rave about. I enjoyed the beef ramen from Sakae better. Eden was a little fussy, while we were waiting for the ramen, so I brought him around for a walk. Ahhh, back to the time when Evans was this small.... we got to take turns to mind him so that the other one could eat in peace. Actually this time, I am more zen. When I had Evans, I couldn't eat slowly. I basically inhaled my food cos I couldn't let him cry. Now, I would leave Eden to hubby if I could. Hehe!

Feeding Woes

Is it after the growth spurt? Or something not right with the bb or my bm? This week starts to get challenging  (for me) when feeding Eden. He is not all easy to be fed but still he used to finish his bottle but lately I couldn't make him finish it. After much battling and struggling, he would still refuse 10 to 20ml. We even took a few breaks in between.

I sang, I talked, I uses toys... could only keep his suckling power on for a few seconds. I wonder how my mom could make him finish the milk while I was out yesterday! But also some struggling was inevitable.

Baby Eden at 3 Months Plus

Baby Eden now is definitely more smiley and aware of the surroundings, so aware that he might get a little distracted during feedings. He has strong legs and he loves to kick and "jump".

Nowadays mornings are much more pleasant as he smiles at me readily when I greet him. This is so unlike the last months when he only cried once he opened his eyes as he just needed milk. Now he is starting to appreciate companionship and interaction.

He shows signs of fear when we enter the lift. He will look around and seems very alert but scared. But luckily he still holds it well. More exposure will help. We are also starting to bring him out more so that he is less "suaku". Lol.

His neck is not entirely strong yet, but is getting there. Then bro would be able to carry him. At least an extra help. Not giving Eden a lot of tummy time yet. But when I do, he flips like a prata... flat down and licking the mat. Lol. It's cute watching him stay at that position. Evans is very entertained. Haha!

Didi is more responsive to us calling out to him and will mostly smile sweetly. Make it less scary for me because at least, he is more "distractable".

Quite a Happening Weekend

By "happening", it's not like my younger days when I stayed out late with my friends for movie or clubbing or supper. Nowadays being able to go out is a luxury or rather happening for me.

The weekend has been quite fulfilling as we got to go out to Changi city point on Saturday for dinner and on Sunday, Suntec City for lunch and coffee. Then Tampines Mart for dinner. It was definitely an eye opener for baby Eden as he got to see the surroundings instead of staying in his pram the whole time.

By the end of the weekend, we were seriously exhausted. It felt like you have not slept in a day but I am happy because I had fun. I think the kiddos too.

Throwback to Last Sunday at One KM Mall

Evans has stopped his Heguru class. It was a lil sad for me as he started the course in 2013 with Teacher Rhian and now we have to say goodbye.

Anyway though there was no more class for Evans, we still went back to one km last Sunday for lunch and tea. Gotta use the Fika groupon before it expired.

We also met up with Teacher Rhian and had a short chat.

It was a good day out for me. Felt really liberated to be finally going out like we used to. Eden was considered quite cooperative too. I particularly enjoyed the tea time we had at Gelare. Wish that we can just take time so easily.

Bringing Baby Eden Out

We set a few challenges to bring baby Eden out, just like how we did for Evans when he was still a baby. We started off with BK Drive Thru., then a simple and quick breakfast at Hans, Bedok CC, then went on to lunch at one km mall. Yesterday we went to the airport for dinner! It was all good. I mean of course Eden did cry here and there but we could somehow manage. But bringing the kids out takes a lot of thinking and time to prepare and pack. So it really helps if the place we are going is quite self sufficient like a well equipped and clean baby room (with hot water dispenser).

I am very comfortable bringing the kids to the airport because it has the space and it's clean. Also it is pram friendly.