Tension

The last post talks about tension. Coincidentally recently I faced a lot of tension at work, at home. Simple, complex. Tension... is the water in me turning muddy? And will it spill out one day?

Emotions, stereotypes, communications, expectations, passion, duty, relationships... how to gain peace in mind?

How to declutter the mind and how to be present? Time to practise some self management. Sometimes when things get knotty and very grey on what should I do? What's my anchor, what are my values?

Tiring Weekend

Lately it's getting difficult to feed Eden. And the worse thing is he refuses to be fed by hubby for don't know what reason.  For me, I can start off to feed him at least half way through before he starts to fuss and refuse to continue. On good days, he stops leaving 30ml but there are bad times when I have to coax him to finish the remaining 60ml or so. We start to reduce the feed from 150ml to 130ml or so cos there's just too much waste.

My mama even cut a little slit at the bottle teat to make the flow faster but it did not seem to help with him finishing up the milk but he surely drank faster now... just that still stopping at the 30ml mark. Painful experience for me... giving me phobia to feed him but now only I can do the job (on weekends). I am tired.

It didn't help when not only during feedings, Eden fussed a lot like he wanted to be carried and entertained. Think hubby was tired so he didn't quite spend much effort to entertain him. Evans would usually play his own toys unless I called for help, he would bring me Eden's toy to distract him.

But somehow last Saturday was super draining for me even though we didn't go out. There was one point when Eden kept crying, I just carried and looked at him helplessly as I was running out of energy and patience.

Nonetheless it was slightly better when Sunday came. And we got to go Bedok Mall for lunch and coffee. Eden cried on and off but at least I didn't feel quite alone. But the fussing episode replayed when we were at in law's place. Eden seemed tired but just couldn't sleep because I think he is less oblivious to the surroundings. He is more aware of the noise and all so he just couldn't sleep. I am not sure but he was fast to doze off in the car. *sigh*

It was a tiring Weekend but here's sharing some happy moments at Bedok Mall Swissbake.

Feeding Woes

Is it after the growth spurt? Or something not right with the bb or my bm? This week starts to get challenging  (for me) when feeding Eden. He is not all easy to be fed but still he used to finish his bottle but lately I couldn't make him finish it. After much battling and struggling, he would still refuse 10 to 20ml. We even took a few breaks in between.

I sang, I talked, I uses toys... could only keep his suckling power on for a few seconds. I wonder how my mom could make him finish the milk while I was out yesterday! But also some struggling was inevitable.

Exclusive Pumping Facebook Group

Recently I joined this FB Group for exclusively pumping moms. Moms get to interact and find out info related to milk pumping. Coincidentally the group was set up by a colleague. I joined the group mainly for knowledge and in case of any questions I might have, I could post them in the group. The ladies are pretty responsive.

But then again whether to accept their pointof views, is another factor. I am my own judge as I find some of the comments extreme or some might cause unnecessary anxiety. Anyhow they meant well.... the main thing is to seek and give support to this community as we can empathise that exclusive pumping is challenging.

While I am kind of used to the routine, it's still challenging at times to pump on a 4 hourly basis as it depends on the baby and if help is available to help take care of the baby. And now I only do 1 middle of the night pump. Even so, after the pump and washing, I find myself wide awake. Just can't fall back to sleep!!! I probably take another hour to sleep but by morning when baby wakes for feeding, I tend to feel exhausted. I used to be able to sleep right after the night pump but these days it is hard.

I don't think I can stop the middle of the night pump because I wish to maintain supply. Looks like I need to bear with such sleepless nights for a while. Actually I should already be thankful that all I have to do in the middle of the night was pump. It is a lil painful to wake up and start moving but once the first step is made, the rest is much easier.

Jiayou!

I Wish I Am A Baby Whisperer

I really wish I can decode baby's language. When they cry this way, what do they want. When they refused to sleep, how can I lure them to... I am sure many papas and mamas wish for the same thing. Lately I am getting a lil impatient with lil Eden, especially when he is crying for "no reason". I wish I know why. Sometimes it gets to a point when I really feel like throwing him on the bed and just leave him alone. Sounds bad to say that but when I feel like doing that, I am really helpless and don't know how to progress!

I then realised I did not do a good job managing myself. Personal mastery, PIES (Self care) and reframing. Too quick to react to that instance when the lil fellow fusses. And my reaction gets worse when I am tired because I am more stressed. Woah, some character building is needed, yes even at my age.

Probably because of the stress or exhaustion or irregular pumps, my milk supply seems to have dropped. So now I am trying my best to catch up.

My papa has been more hands on by helping to carry the lil one and feed him. Oh and he also carries and pats the lil one to sleep at night but sadly the lil one was not cooperative last night. Lately Eden refuses to be put into the sarong even though he shows signs of sleepiness. Once put him in, he cries as though he is in pain. I think only my mom could appease him after some coaxing. It is quite painful to make him sleep, only recently. Now I also have phobia putting him into the sarong! I wish he is the baby who can doze off on bed, am I too greedy, lol.

The theory makes it sound easy to decipher a baby's cries. So when the baby cries, it's either hunger, soiled diaper, ill, in pain, discomfort, over stimulation or tiredness. See, not easy cos they are soooo many possibilities. When we tackle the baby for the wrong guess, the baby will cry even harder and scarier. Can only say with experience, things should get better?

Every day is a new challenge.