Last Sunday I just gave birth to my lil xiao b. And today already marks the 9th day of my confinement. Though I think my confinement lady, Aunty Baozhu has been a great help, I am not enjoying the fact that I could not do a full-fledged bath and could not wash my hair until day 12. While day 12 is just a few days away, today I started my massage session which my flabby tummy has been wrapped up very tightly which means I cannot bath!!!!! I have been staying in my air con room the whole time because I wanted to minimise perspiring. The sweat will irritate me mentally and also might make me wanna scratch my body. So sorry for not being environmental friendly but I am trying my best to make myself comfy and happy.
What I enjoy so far at confinement are hubby coming back from work, Evans and mama visiting me, chatting with aunty baozhu and getting rest as and when I wanted to. Almost feel like a lousy mother by cooping in my room but I am tired from the pumping of milk and probably the unknown stress I am giving myself.
1st confinement night, I woke up almost every hour for xiao b to latch on. Every latching started to hurt and I tried to persevere by adjusting my position and trying to get him to latch correctly. I failed because it got more painful and if baby always had to wake up every other hour for feeding, it was a sign of bad latching. I was disappointed with myself. I felt very lousy for not being able to do something which I thought every mother should know how to do. I was still rather confident when I did it during the 1st night at the hospital. I was thinking this felt amazing and convenient, though I was also thinking I might need to do extra by pumping out excess milk too. But I guess I think too much and way ahead. The reality was the latching didn't work. I got to start pumping diligently to keep up the supply. I was so worried I couldn't produce enough milk for the baby because we did not buy any formula milk. Guess that was the stress I gave myself. I felt like "why am I so lousy? Can't even supply enough milk for my baby..." See, I knew this thing before birth, I understood breastfeeding was hard, I knew not all mothers could produce enough milk but when it happened to me, I couldn't help but feel depressed. I think I cried a lot more during this confinement as compared to the time when I was having Evans. My tear tap is now loose. Every little moving scenes or thoughts will make me tear. Even when Evans was begging to stay with me in tears, I started to cry with him too. Silly me.
Then the engorgement came. The pumping output was only 20 ml but breasts still felt full and hard. They hurt and were sensitive. I got to resort to frozen cabbage method to reduce milk so that I would feel the engorgement. After a couple of application of cabbage, which stinked the room, the engorgement stayed. It turned out that it took a while for the effect to take place. During the pump after midnight, the supply reduced greatly. And I started to pump more regularly but I tried to go easy on myself. So sometimes when I heard comments like "oh the baby is hungry again." I will just tell myself it is ok, there is always formula milk. Let the baby be full first while I work on the supply. It helps to have supportive husband and confinement nanny. They made me feel better about myself.
Time actually flies... only 19 days more to go for the confinement to end. I will need to prepare myself mentally if I could take up the role to take care of a baby again. Of course it would be easier with my mama's support. But I also hope to be able to do this together with hubby. Got to think of the possible arrangement. Anyway, I don't want to stress myself with anything else. I just want to take good care of my body (which is why I have been very obedient to follow the rules of confinement) and up my milk supply for the health of xiao b. 其他的， 一步一步来。I got this from my confinement nanny who is a jovial and optimistic lady. She had a tough life before and now she is blessed with 4 kids and grandchildren. She always said what matters is our health and being happy. Simple life.
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| When Xiao B just reached home from the hospital stay |
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