While I had phobia in breastfeeding from the experience with Evans, I tried it with Baby 2.0 straight after giving birth to him, It gave me a wonderful feeling. The first few latching was weird but not painful and because he could suckle, I was thinking direct feed could work this time! I was happy and looked forward to latch him even though it meant to wake up every 2 to 3 hours to feed him at the hospital. I guess I just prefer the closeness shared with the baby and the nurses (I would not say all of them though) were encouraging, saying I was managing the latching well.
My happiness was shortlived. I think by the 2nd day, I felt pain and soreness. Probably because the milk supply has not kicked in full force; baby's suckle was stronger or my latching was not correct... I was pretty sure my latching was not correct after I googled. I tried to do it the right way at home but somehow it frustrated the baby and me more. And the pain increased so much that when my confinement nanny brought him to me, I was really "scared" because I was anticipating the pain to come when he started to latch. And I was even more concerned if there was bleeding, how should I continue to feed!?!? What's more we did not prepare any formula milk... so a lot of pressure when I thought about the supply and the poor latching. With the baby waking up every hour for feed also hit me with much insecurity that I was not feeding enough, The stress was eased off when hubby went to get the formula milk to tide over the period when I was trying to build my milk supply. And when the milk came in, I had engorgement. I did not want infection to happen again; I apply frozen cabbage to bring down the supply. Then I had to start from scratch to build up the supply by diligent pumping every 2 hours, with each pump of only 20ml of milk. But I think the confinement soups and drink helped me to up the supply. Now I am pumping every 3 hours (as advised by my massage lady), I could get around 90ml which was just nice for baby's one feed.
When the massage lady came, she came to massage the breasts and to see if there were any blockage. I told her I could still remember how painful it was when she first did it during my 1st pregnancy. No doubt she cleared the ducts but it came with great pain. It was a sight when I saw milk spurting out like a small fountain (Haha!). This time, when she was massaging, she said my case was not that bad just that could feel that the breasts were still "congested" at some points. I had a 4-day massage sessions with Mdm Mariam. Each was about an hour ($60 per session). After each session, she would bind my tummy with the cloth and the binder. Tight to shrink my flabby tummy which was good but my tummy would start to itch after a while. What made it worse was I could not shower with the wrap. I was less tolerant this time because I did unwrap myself at night. I recalled for the first confinement, I persevered and had the wrap all the way, because I really wanted to be back to my old size. This time round, I think comfort was more crucial. Without comfort, I could not rest properly.
Mdm Mariam was a very chatty lady and she shared with me many stories about her family and her clients. After hearing a few horror stories about her clients' breastfeeding experience, I should be relieved. And this made me realise that breastfeeding was not simple after all! While we see other mommies doing it with ease, there are also others who struggled like me! Of course direct feeding saves a lot of time but we will not be sure how much the baby is drinking and it will also take a while to wean off baby. I don't want baby to still want to latch when I go back to work because this will make it tougher for my parents to manage, right? My buddy Rain also advised me that I should think too much about other's advice, I should just decide based on what I think works for me. See, even though this is my 2nd time, I am back to the same dilemma but of course this time, I feel less guilty about not latching because I still have milk to offer to the baby. I should be thankful for that.
My gynae, massage lady, confinement nanny encouraged me to try direct latch again because of the higher nutrients being absorbed and baby's suckle is always the best "pump" to unblock the ducts. I am a little fearful and unsure. Do I want to try it again and be prepared to sleep less and probably hurt more? Would I want to "save the trouble" to wash and sterilise bottles? Frankly to me, I think the bottles part is not too much of a hassle. Used to it and it really isn't a lot more work. So both sides to a coin. You can tell I am still in a dilemma but probably more inclined towards exclusive pumping (like how I did for Evans and lasted for 14 months).
Ok don't think too much... we shall see.
