Managing Tension

My bro recently commented that I have not been updating the blog. Guilty as charged because I am feeling a little lazy to update the day to day happenings now. Or with the energy left, I rather do something else like sleep or watching youtube. Many things I have chucked aside (running, acting, baking, cooking, dating) but I certainly hope to regain them once things are more on track and kids are easier to manage.

After so long, what's worth updating? Perhaps to share my thoughts after I attended Seok Lin and Matt's course on Managing Tension (as a Leader). While it is one of the leadership training, I find the concepts applicable to our personal lives too. The 2-day course has been quite enlightening and I was tasked to present my learning during a Break & Breakfast session recently. Despite my backlog at work, I was very keen in preparing for my presentation because I was really very keen to share what I have learnt. But in the end, I think I did not do a good job in delivering it because there were too many things in my mind, I wasn't fully present then. This is an example of managing tension poorly. Seok Lin said if you are self-conscious, you are not fully present. I started to think if I was engaging, if I was boring, if the audience was feeling bored... On reflection, I find it very silly because it was just a B&B and with my best intention, I should have just focused on my presentation and nothing else.

Nonetheless I managed to reinforce my learning through the presentation. I shared about the 5 core competencies of managing tension. What caught my attention about these competencies were:

- Defensive: I have the power to control how I want to react to tension
As what my Director has simply put across, there is a gap between your feelings and your behaviours. That gap is the space for you to take a breather and think about how you want to react to it. Avoid acting out of "reflex" and impulse but be intentional. You don't have to act out your feelings. Even if you want to act it out, think about it and make that conscious decision but be ready for any consequences. So if you choose to fight, fight with an intention and not with impulse. Also, the gap provides me with a pause, a time to stop immediate reactions and do deep breathing. It is quite amazing how deep breathing can calm myself and lower your "angry" state. Yup, the power of pause.

- Naming: Words create world
I showed 2 videos to depict this point. One is on the blind man, the other one is on Kate Winslet on winning an award while she shared how her teacher used to tell her that she would be just fine to settle for a fat girl role. But she chose not to believe the teacher and found herself landing in female lead roles because she could act. Words define our reality. If I think I am stupid, then I am really stupid. And stupid people cannot do a lot of things. So imagine if I bear this thought throughout, I think I can just stop living. So use the right words to motivate ourselves so that we can move forward. The same goes to using the right words in communicating with our staff and colleagues. Avoid negative labels. This is especially so to kids, as they are so vulnerable and fresh. I can't bear to think how some kids lose their self worth cos their parents put them down all the time. Note to self: never do that to my boys.

There, the gist of it and it is a great refresher for me since my LSC course. I am thankful and a little more enlightened. I still feel stressed at work but I think I am able to step back a lot easier and still be motivated. I think partly also because I know my bosses are reasonable. Still learning my steps after my long leave from work, but I am glad I am moving forward.

So happy to know that she is going to be my trainer.

Seok has always been inspiring and nurturing.

So I always love seeing her and learning from her. *MUARKS*

Missing in Action

Have been missing in action because I have been feeling more tired and probably busier with all the shifting around. Since Dec, we started to bring one of the boys home every night, just to get the hang of it and so we can be more prepared when I start working next year! I am not sure mentally I am ready because I foresee myself worrying things at home. Will my folks be able to manage the boys? From my observation, seems like my mama has to be the one doing the more solid tasks like bathing, cleaning up after poo, putting baby to sleep in sarong, preparing food for the kids and family... really a lot to do. Wonder will my papa be able to step up and do more?

Anyway, last weekend was really a spoilt one, with me and Evans down with fever. Very frustrated with my papa on some level. I thought we caught it from him after he cut short his BKK holiday cos of his worsening flu. And he refused to wear face mask. Ended up I caught the flu then Evans followed up with a fever, then the fever found me. It got as high as 39.1 and I couldn't even eat the fever medicine. Could only towel myself and drink lots of water but I was too drowsy to go fetch myself water. Only relied on the cups which hubby brought to me. Earlier had planned to revisit Saltwater Cafe on Sat and we had to cancel it. Thankfully my mom came and helped us fill in since I was down. Spent most Saturday on the bed. She came at 4 plus and stayed till the end of the day. These few days she has done a lot.... doing things which I used to be doing like feeding and bathing baby. Hubby also stepped up and finally regained the rapport with baby and he could feed him again!!!! Plus point of being sick when help is available. I am also concerned for my mama's health. Didn't want her to overwork but I must recover fast!! If only my nose could stop running and I could have better sleep!

Now I wouldn't say Evans is fully well but at least he is not that drowsy and grouchy kid. Eden got a little coughing going on and it comes with the phlegm! I am quite scared so pumping my best so that he has enough liquid gold with the antibodies to fight against the bugs!

Patience

Taking care of kids is an excellent training to becoming a more patient person. Tough training cos I have lost it umpteen times. At the beginning, I just lost it and hurled scoldings at them, even at a few months old. The sleep deprivation wasn't helping and that made me very reactive to the situation that took place, without thinking. I was also very easily upset by sarcasm and many times I felt like just letting it out to "teach them a lesson". I am glad I didn't because given the state of my well being, my emotions would lead me to say very ugly things and the recipients wouldn't be apologetic for sure. There was really no point. Tolerance.

After a while it could be getting used to it or being more self aware, I started to have some thinking in my head while I still let out my anger at the kids. That's a good start.... self awareness.

As Eden gets more aware and more capable in communicating his emotions, I start to interact with him more. It helps very much in the bonding so that we can grow to like each other more. And when we like each other more, I am hoping he will fuss less. And when he fusses during sleep time or feeding, patience comes into play. I used to scold him a lot and it made me even more agitated and that in turn worsened the situation. My irritation came not only cos of Eden not drinking his milk properly but also how come no one is helping. Ya many times I felt victimised. I didn't wanna feel this way but I did. I realised this was not healthy as I became very unhappy with myself and the people whom I had expectations. So sometimes I just try to do things within my limits and no longer expect help so that when help comes, I can be more thankful. I felt very disturbed after watching a video of a mom hitting her infant a lot of times as he refused to stop crying. Her slaps were hard and I  thought could be hurtful to the baby. She slapped the baby's face hard. Heart wrenching!!!! I wish I had not seen it. But the video reminded me of my bad behaviour too... ok I didn't slap like this but many times (at the early stage) I felt like leaving him to cry. I probably slapped his cheek once too.... sigh... *guilty*

I feel guilty being harsh to Evans too as he is only a 5 year old kid. At this age he is probably starting to be more cheeky and imitating how the adults talk. So sometimes he comes across as rude, which I know isn't intentional as he doesn't know it's rude. Everything needs a balance. As parent we need to know when to let go and when to educate. I am testing it out. For sure me and hubby couldn't agree on the way to educate the kids but at least now I try to keep quiet when he is trying to discipline Evans. Contradiction confuses the kid.

I am still learning how to be a proper parent in the midst of other negativities. Self belief... that I can do a proper job.

A Long Awaited Holiday, Hongkong

12 Nov to 15 Nov 2016.... that was how long our holiday was. Yes it was my long awaited break which kinda happened during the time when hubby and I were recovering from cough and flu respectively. Hubby's cough was persistent and long, even now he is still having lingering cough. Me? I recovered since day 1 of our holiday, thankfully!

When I started packing for this holiday, I didn't think much about the fun and all. More concerned to make sure I brought enough clothings for Evans in case the weather changed erratically. I was also hoping that Eden would not tire my parents too much. In any case I cherished my time with Evans alone.... finally got to go to bed with him!

After we came back, it was unexpected that I actually miss the holiday extremely. Despite this trip was a little different from what I would usually wanna do like shopping, eating/snacking, I really miss the experience with Evans in particular. It was his first experience in Cathay Pacific where he was very excited about the personal in flight entertainment and also the plane food. He couldn't hide his joy seeing the tv in front of his seat. Adorable! I was telling hubby during the holiday, I felt frustrated at times but never did I realise I still miss what we had overseas. I guess going back to a hotel, a nice and cosy one beats going back home when I am more particular about the chores.

We were not very prepared for this trip. No written itinerary and limited research. Ended up feeling lost on first night and making wasted trips to Lai Chi Kok for the adidas outlet which has ceased operation 3 years ago!!!! Time and money wasted. Due to insufficient time and Evans's unkeen interests in waiting and shopping, I didn't get to go Argly Centre and The Peak which I wouldn't miss each time I go Hongkong. Evans's main interests were taking the Airport Express and MTR; and playing with the hotel city guide hp. Even in Disneyland he wasn't all hyped up but was into the Dumbo ride for sure. Me, I am glad to finally watch the fireworks. Felt really magical but just hope the other visitors would quit raising their hps to record the show. They were obstructing my view. Oh another incident was Evans's shoes and sandals decided to give way at the same time that made me so  desperately wanting to get a new pair for him! I should be glad that I could find one decent pair at Adidas outlet, Tung Chung Citygates. Those shops at Mongkok.... Things weren't cheap and people weren't very helpful too.

Right now, I am suffering from after holiday blues. Back to baby care reality makes me miss Hongkong with hubby and Evans soooooooo much. To lessen my blues, let the photos bring back some joy. 

Day 1 Setting off and Roaming Around at Mongkok

Breakfast at the Dnata lounge, a lot of selection indeed

Excited to be boarding the plane

I am still recovering from flu but the thoughts of holiday surely make me feel much better!

Queuing for the plane

It has been a while since I last boarded a plane

The boy is all about the in-flight entertainment

Miss the travelling times with hubby

All smiles onboard

After 4 hours of flight, we are on Airport Express, HK Airport to Kowloon

Waiting in line for cab to Mongkok, Kowloon

Checking in Cordis Hotel

Up to our room on the 18th floor (first night)

The "uninterested to take a photo" Evans

Relaxed on the bed. I had good sleep every night.

Complimentary cake from the hotel

Evans happy to drink mama's milk

Hubby tried to bring us to a restaurant recommended by his boss but to my "horror", it was not quite a restaurant. It was the typical "can teng", a small eatery, packed. The seats we were given were direct under the air conditioning. It wasn't pleasant for me and I was very concerned for Evans too. In the end I got to disappoint hubby to settle for a more proper eating environment for little boy's sake. Frankly I was flustered on my first night here. I blame the lack of research which we ended up walking extra route. And I was unable to find new shoes for Evans as his foot kept slipping out of the current pair.

At this point I didn't quite feel like I was holidaying... you see, I didn't even bother to take pictures of what I was eating.

Macaroni dinner at Ming Hua

The boy is not into shopping so we come back hotel earlier. It is only 7plus pm.

The skies in HK turned dark very early at this time of the year. I think it became dark when it was only 6 plus pm. So when we headed back to the hotel, I kept thinking it was already 9plus but to my surprise, it was only 7pm. The night was still young and we were already in our room. Haha! This says so much about the change in holiday style when we brought a little kiddo with us.

Day 2 Outlet Shopping

Dim Sum breakfast at Dao Xiang, we never miss it when we visit HK

Personally I wasn't impressed with the food at DaoXiang. Was disappointed because it was once my favourite dimsum place! But what we had, was nothing very impressive.

He loves the porridge

The plan for Day 2 was to start with the Adidas outlet at Lai Chi Kok. It was only after we reached there then hubby realised it was Sunday and the shops (by right) started operations at 1130am and we were an hour earlier. The place looked boring so we thought to change the plan to go Tung Chung's City Gates instead. Anyway today's plan was to go outlet shopping. What irked us was the 2nd visit to Lai Chi Kok! The same "dead town" and no more Adidas outlet. ARGH! It was officially Evans's least favourite station, haha!

Made 2 wasted trips to Lai Chi Kok to find the Adidas Outlet gone

Changed our plan to go CityGates for outlet shopping instead and we desperately need to get a new pair of shoes for Evans so that he could continue his walk in HK!

When it was lunch time, we waited long for our turn at Teawood restaurant, selling Taiwanese cuisine. We were really patient and we finally got in! And I should be grateful that we were given a good table where I could pump milk relatively easily. Phew! The food was quite amazing. I had a great time feasting but like what hubby commented, the oyster pancake would be great if eaten hot. And the more we ate it, we felt kind of "sick", too much of a fried stuff.

Lunch at Teawood. A long wait but I love the lunch. Missing the Oyster Rice Soup already.

Evans shared the dumpling noodles with papa

Got a pair of Adidas (Evans's first pair) first thing at City Gates. It wasn't cheap, HKD 280 (around S$50plus). But I did not want to fuss about this price because the prices offered at Mongkok were way more expensive, around HKD 400 plus to get a decent looking one. And there was a 20% discount if we were to get another orange labelled product so I got myself a tee (S$40) and a shorts (S$28). Not exactly cheap but I doubt they will cost any less in Singapore. My main disappointment was not able to find a pair of sneakers/walking sports shoes. I found the designs but there was no size. What a pity.

Thankful to find this pair in the Adidas outlet!

At Teawood, we are quite done with our lunch.

Evans takes photos at every MTR station he has been to.

Evans likes Cordis Hotel

This is our room view (from 2nd night onwards). Way from level 32!

Facinated

At Jordan for Australian Dairy Co and Mak's Noodles

Found the eateries pretty easily

Evans got a chance to savour his wonton noodles which we seldom let him. He has his heart's content and finished the huge plate all by himself! 

Hubby "da bao" the luncheon and egg sandwiches from the Aust Dairy Co for supper. After our noodles dinner, there was really no other programme. The original plan was to go to The Peak but for the fear of the long queue at the tram station (esp on a Sunday), we aborted it and went seawards instead. We took the Star Ferry from TST to Central but Evans was not too impressed with it. It was just another river ride for him. And at Central, many shops were closed and what we saw was gatherings of the foreign workers at the area. Nothing much for us to do so we headed back Mongkok via MTR. Sounds a bit wasted for this evening.

Night view from our room. The lighted stretch is the happening Mongkok estate.

Day 3 Disneyland!

Waking up to a brand new day, a day to Disneyland!

But we got to have breakfast (at the hotel's Garage Bar) first.

Though there was really no "wow" item in the buffet, I was quite amazed with the wide selection.

Can't hide our Disney mood

Sunny Bay - speaks for the weather that day at Disney

The Disney train (it is crowded!)

:) :)

With his sunnies because it is really uniquely hot (as compared to our 1st 2 days in HK)

This is our 1st thing after we enter. He insisted on the train ride when Mickey, Minnie, Donald and Daisy were having Meet & Greet downstairs!!! 

Evans loves the Dumbo ride

We are onboard, ready to fly!

On the green Dumbo

Jap ramen at the Royal Banquet Hall for lunch. The coke is delicious on a hot day like this.

"Like"

Mickey's 3D show (The 3D glasses didn't stay long on Evans.)

I have been to the Jungle River Cruise so I recommended to take the ride. It was entertaining and I recalled having fun with my project team. Hubby and Evans enjoyed the cruise too.

Jungle River Cruise

My first cotton candy 

Adore the baby care centre at Disney. So homely and adequate. All I need for pumping are in there.

Happily pumping while the boys continue their exploration  

Its deco is sweet and brings out the motherly instinct.

There are 2 comfortable chairs in the room, aren't they nice?!

It looks weird that after I pumped, the bottle was heated up and given to Evans to drink. But I am just glad the liquid gold is not wasted during the trip. Evans was a dear to even want to drink it.

Afternoon's parade starts

The performers are so full of vigour and I imagined myself doing that, it felt awesome!

No Mickey and Minnie, Buzz Light Years is good as well.

Cheers!

Evans insists to take this Orbitron again.

Happy family

It's getting darker

Loving Evans's smile in this

While the boys queue for Dumbo, I strolled around and found my BBQ Korean Squid! Crazy me bought 3 and each is HKD39, not cheap right? But I really love it and of course it gives me nice memory when Ronnie bought it for us.

Remember this magical feeling

We thought people would be rushing for dinner before the finale fireworks show at 7.30pm. We were wrong. The cafe was not packed at all. We went to the Corner Cafe for pastas (super overpriced) but nice service.

After dinner, I went to pump again. The facilities were so easily accessible and I enjoyed the peace during the pumping sessions. I think it's a great idea to have staff manning the baby room to avoid abuse.

Waiting very patiently for the last show

Wow, the fireworks and lights show was simply MAGICAL! The familiar disney songs and music gave me a warm fuzzy feeling. I felt moved but wasn't totally immersed into the fairytale mood because there were too many people holding up their phones to snap the pictures or record the show. So my view was semi-blocked most times. Still, was glad we stayed throughout.

Time to say Goodbye!

The night looks beautiful

While hubby gets supper for me, we went back our cosy room first.

I hope this was a memorable day for Evans, even though he was not really familiar with Disney.

Day 4 Going Home Soon

It is always sad having to end a holiday. Even though I did miss Eden, I somehow felt that the overseas holiday was not enough, I think my mom would beg to differ. Hah! Anyway, the last day was spent casually and what we had to do was to get the snacks we wanted. Having visited HK so many times, this was my first time getting the Caffe Mocha cookies and Almond Crisps from Kee Wah Bakery. Guess what, I LOVE THEM! I love them more than the Jenny's cookies. To me, those are overrated! Regretted that I only bought the small packet. I am missing those cookies, especially the Caffe Mocha cookies. Ordinary looking but I am addicted. Now I am trying to find out who else is going to HK. *drool*

Last breakfast at The Garage Bar 

Western breakfast today\

Its laksa is not too shabby!

He is so happy to see Yakult in the buffet line.

:)

Snapping away the day view from our room... I am going to miss the sleep in the room...

On our way to the airport in cab

bye Hongkong!

Evans has no time for papa...

I don't know when will be my next overseas holiday but I am glad to have gone for this one despite not feeling well beforehand, Eden was still coughing, hubby was coughing too... The holiday sure made me feel rejuvenated!