Managing Tension

My bro recently commented that I have not been updating the blog. Guilty as charged because I am feeling a little lazy to update the day to day happenings now. Or with the energy left, I rather do something else like sleep or watching youtube. Many things I have chucked aside (running, acting, baking, cooking, dating) but I certainly hope to regain them once things are more on track and kids are easier to manage.

After so long, what's worth updating? Perhaps to share my thoughts after I attended Seok Lin and Matt's course on Managing Tension (as a Leader). While it is one of the leadership training, I find the concepts applicable to our personal lives too. The 2-day course has been quite enlightening and I was tasked to present my learning during a Break & Breakfast session recently. Despite my backlog at work, I was very keen in preparing for my presentation because I was really very keen to share what I have learnt. But in the end, I think I did not do a good job in delivering it because there were too many things in my mind, I wasn't fully present then. This is an example of managing tension poorly. Seok Lin said if you are self-conscious, you are not fully present. I started to think if I was engaging, if I was boring, if the audience was feeling bored... On reflection, I find it very silly because it was just a B&B and with my best intention, I should have just focused on my presentation and nothing else.

Nonetheless I managed to reinforce my learning through the presentation. I shared about the 5 core competencies of managing tension. What caught my attention about these competencies were:

- Defensive: I have the power to control how I want to react to tension
As what my Director has simply put across, there is a gap between your feelings and your behaviours. That gap is the space for you to take a breather and think about how you want to react to it. Avoid acting out of "reflex" and impulse but be intentional. You don't have to act out your feelings. Even if you want to act it out, think about it and make that conscious decision but be ready for any consequences. So if you choose to fight, fight with an intention and not with impulse. Also, the gap provides me with a pause, a time to stop immediate reactions and do deep breathing. It is quite amazing how deep breathing can calm myself and lower your "angry" state. Yup, the power of pause.

- Naming: Words create world
I showed 2 videos to depict this point. One is on the blind man, the other one is on Kate Winslet on winning an award while she shared how her teacher used to tell her that she would be just fine to settle for a fat girl role. But she chose not to believe the teacher and found herself landing in female lead roles because she could act. Words define our reality. If I think I am stupid, then I am really stupid. And stupid people cannot do a lot of things. So imagine if I bear this thought throughout, I think I can just stop living. So use the right words to motivate ourselves so that we can move forward. The same goes to using the right words in communicating with our staff and colleagues. Avoid negative labels. This is especially so to kids, as they are so vulnerable and fresh. I can't bear to think how some kids lose their self worth cos their parents put them down all the time. Note to self: never do that to my boys.

There, the gist of it and it is a great refresher for me since my LSC course. I am thankful and a little more enlightened. I still feel stressed at work but I think I am able to step back a lot easier and still be motivated. I think partly also because I know my bosses are reasonable. Still learning my steps after my long leave from work, but I am glad I am moving forward.

So happy to know that she is going to be my trainer.

Seok has always been inspiring and nurturing.

So I always love seeing her and learning from her. *MUARKS*