It's close to 3pm. Finally some peace and quiet while the kids are asleep. I know it will not be for long but thought of taking this time to jot down my thoughts/grievances or whatever, so that when I read back in a few months or years, I can "reminisce" what it is like. (Oops thunder.... hopefully the kids can continue snoozing).
I just read an article which a mother shared her experience as a mother of 2. I feel so much for her, juggling her role as a working mom. It was ironically funny when she said sometimes she would just leave what she has dropped, on the floor because she was just too tired to pick it up. (Interrupted cos Evans was crying for me to accompany him for nap.)
Thunder is still roaring quite gently now but let me describe what I am doing now. One hand rocking Eden in the sarong, one hand patting Evans. On and off trying to type this post. Both are still in zzz mode.
My boys are lovely and cute. I love them but at the same time I hope I can get away from them at times. Actually more of away from Eden cos I really miss doing things with Evans. But my energy level may not be able to sustain entertaining Evans for long. When I am busy with the baby, somehow Evans will like to throw me 101 questions or share with me things he knows. Sometimes when I am stressed, I will brush him aside "Not now...". See what a nasty mommy I am. Undeniably I feel bad after that but I just can't be as zen as I wanna be. I can't help but to show the stress and impatience on my face. I just hope Evans will be understanding, which he is (most times) as he has displayed it in many instances. As for myself, perhaps to go less hard on me and take it easy. Easier said, of course. I didn't know I dread baby cries this much especially when it seems to be no solution to his cries. I guess I need to remind me that being a 2nd time mom doesn't necessarily mean I should know a lot more. What's more, it has been 5 years! Just tell myself every day is a lesson. I will learn something new about my kids and I will know them better each day.
It is normal to feel tired all the time and perhaps after a while, the body will be conditioned to handle such life. (This time, thunder woke Eden... so keep rocking!)
I feel really sweaty and oily now. Time has not come for me to take a bath. I need to feed Eden first, by right around 4pm, 45 min to go. And have to wait until my mama is free to watch the kids before I can enjoy the bath time. Goodness, can't wait to wash my hair! This is why I am not comfortable to entertain any guests at this point.
Before returning to work, I will probably get a refreshing haircut and maybe mani to get back my oldself. I believe when I feel good about myself, everything else will seem easier. This is so true when I return home from my me time, I am more patient with the kiddos. My spirit feels lighter as well.
Like the author, there are moments I miss like when I am without kids or when I have only Evans. Things were much easier. This is human, right? So I shouldn't feel guilty about it.
"Dear boys, mama just misses my own life too much but I appreciate you in my life k. Just give me more time when things get easier and we are more free to go places... we will have fun together."
Ok another thunder... maybe I should stop whining and standby for action.
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